"If your husband was here..."

Let me preface this entire post by saying that I, in no way, shape, or form, believe that I deserve anything for Mitch's service to our country. I will also say that not only do military members sacrifice their safety and sometimes their lives, but they also sacrifice their time with family, planning for future trips or vacations, holidays, birthdays and births, higher wages for the same job in the civilian world, and much more. Yes, military members also enjoy a lot of benefits...job security, great healthcare, traveling opportunities, and even the occasional military discount.

Let me set up my day for you.

Mitch is still at training in Washington. Had he been here, our usual fall Sunday ritual is to watch professional football all day and talk fantasy football trash. Since my friend Mel and I both have a love for football and a lack of at home viewing opportunities, we decided to go to Buffalo Wild Wings. Mel's husband, John, is also at survival training with Mitch. 

We got a booth with an excellent view of both the Seahawks and Browns games. Mel got there before me and had ordered a beer, for which she was asked for her ID. She presented her military ID, which does have our birthday on the back, and was told that they offer a military discount.  When I got there Mel shared the information with me and again our server confirmed. I have learned to really appreciate the military discount that a lot of businesses offer. I used to feel awkward asking for it or even accepting it, but the local businesses here really changed my outlook on that. It's presented as more of a, "it's the least we can do", type deal, which makes me feel better. A lot of businesses even group the military discount with any public service such as police, firefighters, etc.

Anyway, when we got our checks our server asked for our IDs to show his manager for the discount. We handed them over along with our credit cards and thanked him for bringing up the discount. When he brought the slips and cards back he asked if it was our parents that are active duty. We told him no and that our husbands were active duty. He said, "Oh, okay, I thought you guys were active. We only offer the discount to active duty members. If your husband was here, you could get it." 

....if my husband was here....

I told him it was fine.

What I really should have said was that my husband is not here because the military has him across the country. Mel's husband is also not here because the military has him there, too. One day, ignorant sir, you are going to say that to someone whose spouse is missing in action. Or someone whose spouse won't be here for a year because of his or her deployment. Or maybe you will say that to someone whose daughter died in Iraq and husband went on a remote tour overseas. Or maybe someone who just delivered her first baby by herself because her husband was deployed and couldn't be here. They may not say that it's fine. Maybe, just maybe, the irony of offering a military discount to only active duty members is that the ones who are left behind and considered dependents, could be the only ones able to use it. And maybe the absence of an active duty spouse can be made just a bit less painful when a restaurant acknowledges the service member and offers a small discount on overpriced food. 

But, if my husband was here...

I am not upset about not receiving a discount, I'm upset because of the justification of denying me it and the inconsideration with how it was communicated. If you are only going to offer a special discount to active duty members, train your staff about what that ID looks like and the importance of clarifying that prior to offering it. I don't feel entitled to any discount; it is a bonus, a gift that should come from a want, not an obligation, for the company to support the military or any service industry. I really appreciate the companies that offer discounts, and we usually choose those places over other equivalents to reciprocate the support. 

The importance of thinking before you speak cannot be overstated. You never know what cards life has dealt people and a little consideration can go a long, long way.